Count Down to Friday...

After a successful first dress rehearsal (with only 2 holds to address lighting and sound cue problems) I am feeling very good about performing a smooth piece in front of Friday's audience.  My advisor, who was present for the run through, assured me that we are sufficiently rehearsed and definitely know our stuff but now we need to dig deeper into the scenes.

Now for some feelings:
While this comment from my advisor was reassuring, it also made me more aware of what I am nervous about: not having spent enough time exploring my performance as an actor on different levels.  I have expressed before how hectic a job it was to be the director etc. and an actor at the same time, and now I am feeling the results of this job-juggling.  My last post was all about me wanting to diva-up and focus on myself more since this is my thesis.  The acting notes from my advisor are all fairly simple and certainly things that I should have been able to address on my own as an actor by this point, so I was confirmed in my belief that there needs to be more me-time.  But it is the week of the performance!  So, what could help me right now...?

I do not feel that I could benefit from more time in order to address these aspects of the performance, instead I believe the only fix would be to simply be an actor in this thesis.  Unfortunately, I find myself unable to simply be an actor, even at this point when tech is running so smoothly.  I am just not the kind of person who lets her duties (varied as they are) drop until the project I am working on is over.  A personality flaw, maybe, but how often is an actor required to be a director for herself and two others, a production manager, costume/set/props designer, and all for a piece that was entirely devised (meaning there is no precedent set by previous productions because the piece has never existed before)?  As dreamy as it sounds to have that much control over an entire production, it is an awful lot of labor for one person.  And it is a rare phenomenon.

This is a performance thesis.  Performance.  PERFORMANCE.  My performance is what counts, not the design or even the performances of the other actors.  Yet, I am the one responsible for making sure that all the elements, like the set and costumes and Wes and Penny's performances, are all at a level where they compliment and support my performance.  It would have been irresponsible of me to ignore those elements for the sake of my own work as an actor, therefore I did not ignore them.  I do not find myself regretting the attention I payed to these elements.  I do find myself lamenting that it was me who had to provide this attention.

Sorry for the lengthy feelings--I only wanted to voice my opinion on the process (the point of this blog, actually) and how I believe it was flawed.

My thesis is by no means doomed by the flaws in the process! I believe in myself and my ability to deliver a great performance, so I am not terribly concerned.

In fact, I will end this post on a happy note.  No, not a dog wearing glasses yet.  Just the news that I received the package with the unitards yesterday, we tried them on, they fit, I dyed them to give them a marbled look today, and tomorrow we will see how this dye-job looks under the lights.  Hooray!




Now here's the dog: